thinpan waltz

screamed
nobody heard
slashed torso
nobody cared
howled
nobody cared
sliced open someones skull
nobody noticed
wept into gutterside
nobody cared
listened
heard noise
felt
drew my hand back in disgust
tasted
vomited
looked
saw frenzy
sniffed
smelled decomposing flesh grease
can you hear thunder symphony roaring sick
winding thrashing tearing starved metal
pulsating flesh oil innards
bellowing exhausted fatigued to wailing madness
shivering through trees leaning brick buildings
sour tsunami highway noise
can you see trees bodies twisting in self imposed agony
can you see paroxied charms of self torried hating depriving
collective imagination protruding into my eyes waiting to turn
into dust
hear the blasting corrugated whine vibratto trains
squeeling tearing ruts through earthen foulness
can you taste the lifestink
i move silent
silent and unseen under the night
like a falling leaf
like a buzzing mosquito
like a creeping raccoon
like a soul
like a wisp of smoke
like a penknife
clutched in bloodshot pocket

 

nickel vein

last words
nothing here
wind gusts
bodies lust
dead in grass
passing time
seasons change
foreign eyes warm
someones brief
glassy eyed glance
balancing on the rim
of a bottle
all the freedoms of humanity corrupted
i will cut off each of your fingers
i will pierce your eardrums with toothpicks
i will slice open your eyes with a razor
i will grind your teeth in a mouthful of pebbles
i will slice off the skin covering your tongue
i will puncture your vocal chords with my thumb
i will slice your genitals into chuck with flints
i will scrub your armpits with brillo
i will cut off each of your toes with my razorblade teeth
i will drive needles and tacks into the bottoms of your feet
i will snap each of your bones with a tin nut cracker
i will fill your lungs with tar
i will pollute your liver with oil
i will seal your ass shut with a cigarette lighter
i will stir your mind with a wooden stick
and seal you into a wooden box
purgations
cleansing through pain
self mutilation
television doesnt capture the pathos and solitude
identity is a disease
reading is the cure for self hatred
speak no sentences speak no finities
speak not of logical occurances or material words
your strings of vocalise
should be as everchanging
infinite, the imagination
drive mundane thought from your mind
drive reality from the mind
occupy the mind with anything
that makes no sense
riddles without answers
believe what no one including yourself tells you
only peruse as if examining a shape aligned before the eyes
the absense of truth is the only truth
words define reality and the world
one can surround himself in anything
with the right words
there are infinite words for a stone
out of electronic devices lies are blared
to weaken the soul
humanity doesnt exist
so closed minded is that bag of meat
sure of his own brilliance calling out his
inanities from the preserved body in drink or electronic stupor
each man is infinite other men
there is only one singularity
that is everything
all in waking done is art
all in sleeping done is dreams
when education stops the rest does also
dreams are the collective palette
of our waking visions and art
the man who despises art is the man who is empty
the man who creates bad art is the man who is broken
the man who damns the outcast is eternally alone
all we ssee speak hear or experiance
is woven by our own selves
the external world
is only colliding stones
infinite realities
free yourself from the reigns
of others
expunge your agony
in literature
the illiterate poet
they will tell you what you need to know
america is a fire
america is rape
america is a raping fire
crawling through oily sheets
america pulls apart beauty
and with it builds profit
america cannot create art
america can only create destruction
this is not life
there is something eternal here
if you sit in silence
of mind
you can hear it whispering to you
you can hear it breathing
groaning behind the silence
can you feel it
waiting in the empty darkness for your breath
for your eyes
waiting behind the wind
to clog your senses with bile
can you smell its stink
those vague traces of rot
and flatulence carried on the wind
to sear your nostrils
the houses stare down at you
questioning with empty eyes
your silent agony
behind every face it sits in waiting
peering out at you from behind false eyes
lubricating each false daily gesture
empowering the lifeless thrusting of torsos
upon invisible salt mines
it sings softly behind the wind
calls gently your name
mocking you in hushed tones
behind your back
sits rotting
behind your homes
behind your clothes
behind your skin
behind your thoughts
rotting waiting watching smiling
wailing in the night in the gut
slurping blood off linoleum and pavement
licking sweat off skin
swallowing drowning in your own polluted thoughts
and imaginations
it sits in your black empty hearts
beating your rancid blood through your lifeless bodies
pumping feces into your minds
just enough to keep you staggering
sickened but smiling
through each empty churning pulsating day
your skin rotting in silence
your dreams melting in the somber sun
i wander through the night
i crawl under the earth
stomping through the rain
back hunched over
face ablaze
carrying in my mind
a season of clanging pots and hands
searching each face
each crack in the road
each rushing past blur
looking for you
dont commit suicide
your far too powerful
your far too beautiful
your far too misunderstood
think of all those that rejected you
think of all those who made you suffer
for their own selfish hipocritical reasons
dont commit suicide
your far too important
instead of suicide why not commit homicide first?
so they know your name for five minutes
so they will regret their wretched selves
and what they did
kill children kill families kill political figures
kill celebrities kill animals kill anything
as many as you can so they will know your name
and wont smile so bright when they
mutilate you in your next life
for the sake of all of us suffering now
dont go out like a cigarette
go out like an atom bomb
and show them how useless you really are
make them suffer
make them sob and cry as you have
mutilate their children
mutilate them kill them bomb them
homicide before suicide
it should be a law amoungst the suffering
be something other than a statistic
all it takes is a couple of pulls of the trigger
send hot steel into their smiling faces
for the sake of all of us
save us!
save us!
homicide before suicide
mass murder before suicide
homicide instead of suicide
after all
jail aint that bad
as the life your living
now is it?
what else can you take from me?
air? love? sight? smell? taste? touch? hearing? insanity? hatred?
death? freedom of thought? food? sexuality? dreams? nightmares?
youll never take death from me
we are all the gods of death
we are all gods of genocide
try taking death from us
you cant
well keep killing
as long as you keep taking
for your silly selfish reasons
drunk walking in the rain
soft music warm in my ears
i stop at a gas station
to pick up a pack of cigarettes
all alone not a person to come home to
i make eyecontact with
two hateful female eyes
in the parking lot
and close my eyes
smiling warmly on myself
in solitude the imagination can convince you
the foulest of industrial wastelands
are as sublime as the booze
and blood soaked roads
of paris
circa 1840
how bright once
were the colors of the setting sky
so bright
they burned themselves
into the canvas
my memory
how fragrant once,
was the skin of each
passing virgin or lover
how soft once,
did their skin appear
how deep and swimming,
once the color of their eyes appeared
how starved and lusting i once
was for anyone, and everyone
how flowing the poetry once was
like blood from an open wrist
drunken,now,dull,no more
tired,sick,bored
no more, the colors of the sky
burn my eyes
no more
all there is
is what you see
when you close your eyes
erase mundane
finite thought
from your mind
loose all thoughts
youve been given
sink into self sea
let go
function as dead
as a nonentity
live inside your daytime
television lives
your contrived dramatics
the sad beliefs
fashioned by your useless
parents
out of their television
tainted pools of experiance
so they can feel important
by causing someone the misery
they are too jaded
and wasted to feel
chelsea
they want you to be less than you
they want you to be bland
they want you to be plain enough to understand
they want to bleach you
they want you to be boring
they want you to be nothing
they want you on their bookshelf
they want you to suffer
they want everything you have
they want you to believe their lies
they want you to be simple and two-dimensional
fucking vultures
every last one of them
they would suck the skin off your bones
and the dreams out of your head
if they could
and bang on their plates with your bones
staple your mothers clit to her eyeball
buttfuck your father
they want you to be humiliated
fucking vultures
every last one of them
poetry instead of a cigarette
poetry instead of suicide
poetry instead of television
poetry instead of life
one poem
two poems
three poems
matches struck and smoking
one breath
two breaths
three breaths
hairs plucked and falling
one vision
two visions
three visions
and now you can call yourself a genius
one love
two loves
three loves
and im still embittered
one death
two deaths
three deaths
and im still here
one lie
two lies
three lies
a little shitshower for a brief sniff of recognition
five seconds you dont have to stare your nothing in its empty face
one beer
two beers
three beers
and im quite drunk
one slash
two slash
three slash
sinking deep into darkness
soft,thick
fast,fast,fast
all of your visions
are from TVs and grocery stores
never look over your shoulder
fatigued of feeling passion
for nothing but the want of passion
fatigued of the sun
fatigued of poverty
fatigued of lonliness
fatigued of life/death
fatigued of poetry
fatigued of society
fatigued of the pop art black sun
blinding me to silence
fatigued of eyes peering into mine as i rush by
fatigued of the ideas of the past
fatigued of the false poets,lovers,masqueraders
desperate to be something
clinging to some shred
something to drape over their empty
fatigued of repitition and platitudes
fatigued of want lust self hate and self
fatigued of trying
i just want to be
a vapor curling over tepid water
you ruined my life
ive forgotten how it feels
to be alive
you murdered me emotionally
footsteps
im dead
no poetry
no passion here
you murdered my soul
for a handful of dried leaves
the two people that read this
will tell me to get over it
but i wont
it will just keep burning up
in my guts
my thoughts my identity
swallowed by hatred
i will find you
and i will kill you
exhausted
lonely
as i write
a few more words
to chase away
your shrieking voices
fear is what keeps us going
fear of death is what
keeps up from dying
there is no pain
but only relief in death
death is the only pleasure
this life has to offer
from this kingdom
of lies agony solitude and detatchment
that youve built for us
to keep us buried
to keep us stricken
to keep us lost
to hold us in terror
fear of death is all that keeps us going
and death is the only pleasure
life has to offer
our emotions have been sublimated into a brazen euphoria
nothing to do
but bring children
into this pointless existance
and make them suffer
because you have to do something
or the anxiety will set in
must be causing pain
at every moment
to justify
your own
nothing to do in this life
but pound blindly
on the nearest person
with misery hammers

 

shirtless night

walks shirtless shapeless night
sticking skin to skin
earth smells of your asshole
purple tight weaving into my
nostrils piercing my brain
to throb heart
heart dreaming brain
air toxic multifarous petals way
weaving under sulferous skin
kneels to sip of a roadside puddle
tastes oil urine rain mud salt
thirst departing
lust for you remains

 

gluttony

the worst the worst thing yes thats the worst
thing you can can do the worst one can the worst
to be done is is is to con to convince someone who is
who is suicide who is suicidal that life has meaning
that life has any meaning at all the worst to convince
a miserable man that he is happy that there is a reason
to be happy that there is a reason to live the worst the
worst thing to do is to convince a man who is on fire that
he is not on fire and with every second of television radio
society each object on the shelves of a grocery each bright car
each book each clean cut square of grass each tree each billboard
and each false person this is society this is your life
tries to convince us that there is a reason to live
when there isnt
tries to convince us that the most hideous sufferings and atrocities
donot occur tries to convince us that atom bombs arent detonating
tries to convince us not of the truth of lifes complete and utter
abstract misery but of lifes complete and utter black falsehood
the lie that were all happy and life is nothing but joy
that were all going to heaven when we die and weve done nothing wrong
that our society is an amusement park of joy and dancing and gluttony
this could not be further from the truth truth truth
in trhe black trunck going s tto new ytork so escixted wed gets i n blakc trucj 5 of us bearded man black hairedsssd girls twos others ones othersaa me the lsaat
its not we aresf so excited peerintgs out windsaopws at scorched acidic skies waistin
fosrj fire to fall so joyful we gets all outr food and booze and plaxcse to stay frtere
just as long as we dont make a scene just as long as we dont yell just as long as we
dont scare them just as long as we dont disrupt their joyworld tear out your hair
we arrive to find SCENE
balconies line the buildings coil around the buildings maetallics snakes coil aorund
with sittings men around each up tp thes skyties devouring laugihng as parade goies by
the whole structure supported by a single claw that lurches and digs deeper deeper into
earth a whole cup dug into the gulp lbakc bpicstup truck slides into hole and under the
claw LURCH the claw crushesd us fors whats seems likes yeashgas no sone seesing ups an
LURCHclaw beats uinto earth crushingss one of us a head slups ofvers into my lap the thumb
forefinger sized heavdwoudns sliding onto my erect cock disrupting the brains inside orgasm
immediates LURCH crlaws beeat down crush burn we creisy out our joy is bur ned beared means
is speared by the bentssd door gutsr pouer onto floour beers explode car becomes more more
impacjeted roof caves in crusheing a head laughetr from above pours through the drain and
drools into ourt sewege wounds slathering tongues tin hairs spuirn forsm the seat tearing at
the woemans face when the smiling sun looks down on us and pulls us out with its giant yellow
warm palm and sets us in our sits last three of us all fatally wounded but alive horrid desperatin in our seats on teh metalicc steak banquet coiling around
gluttonous buildings
we messily devour our food as night falls around people who laughs laopudly daysaysinh notshing
decipheralbele until my giant champagne glass CRYSTAAALLLLL bursts accidents and the table lurches , we bang and beat our platers andsas talbels samchsings everyintrhin beaitng it agisnt
the table throuswing it onto the pareade when an itinerant angel floats down upturning our table and dumping us throwugh the nearest wingsdow CRAHSHERWSN intso a hotel room where we anxiously sit guzzling booze and smoking calling for mommy the happy sun is gone and the couches we sit on burn through our skin as we watch softcore porn then retire to gnojfs and aodhgda house burst tiredly through the doors into 47 cat smelling room naked i crawl with malformed boners that hearl wihtisan ohours on floors so the cats crawls all over ame and into oihfo and aiphrei mouths as they smile i crawl out the winodow edging down the phallic vein branch and hang untill the cats withdrawl their claws and sturmtumble into yarrd hangisng blodoo rushing to my head burstnigns it all bleedings togethers years and toils thousands aof years of blood anguish poured into that ever expanding expressway before me paved in the bones of infinite workers beate nsnr tod eath into the sand with work whiskey wages grub cralw back in and we lustilly devour eachothers gentilas sucking at eachothers wounds staraved fucking madly tearing apart the furniture flinging cats aside that dive onto our gyrattinsg torsos eareaching out of the mess occasionallytts to dial on therh phone for mommy or priuest ntils we dingfinsihed and sit in the backyard with our mouths open suckiling down beers andthe ahth that drip from the dtrees into our mouths and barbeque the bearded mans ass we saved from the car wreck
walking up the railroad in fireiyr green skies and leailves burstings slpoalrttatersing outr faces foreheads beatings against the treains and rainls the passing train crushes aihfio and aihpwee shattering them like weathered glass bottles into dust i hang from the phallic branch to escape but the rushing by train slices throueshgt my sclaps tearing out my brains and dreams thatfal ll to the earth writhing rat fetuses some crushed by the trains wheels others devours ed by a possum dotted with plague, giant pissing pustules
walking up the railroad in the night
i bend over and place my head to the rail
i beat my head with a tiny hammer untill i chip most of my front teeth out
walking furthing my mouth ajar dripping blood
i bend over and place my head to the rail
slightly to the side beating my temple with the small hammer untill it bleeds
chipping my bicuspids out into the pebbles out of my head
and down to my bottom front teeth walking further
i bend over and place my head to the rail
jutting out my jaw to the cold unforgiving rail and beat the back of my head with
a hammer untill i chipp out all four of the teeth
walking further my mouth gaping ajar
i slice open the corners of my mouth and smile a gigantic bleeding
smile towards the blackgreen woods to no one to the raccoons
i bend over and place my head to the rail
and whack the spot of my head for a good long while untill
i chip out my molars that fall into the pebbles and stones at my feet
unable to open my mouth wide enough to chip out the furthest back of my molars
i pick up a handful of stones and shove them into my mouth
grinding my teeth into them as i walk in broken shoes
up the railways under peering streetlamps
blood falling out of the holes in my groans
grinding my teeth a good long while down to the nubs
untill i hawk out the stones and my chipped teeth
those i didnt swallow
into the pebbles at my feet and swallow the rest
i bend over and place my head to the rail
placing my open mouth over the rail
placing my chipped down broken teeth to the rail
drag my head down the rail
driving deep my teeth into the rail
dreaming i see sparks spurting from it grinding the chipped nubs
down to disingenuous slanted flats spurting from my bleeding gums
forward and onward a couple miles or so
stopping and glancing over my shoulder
proud or so of a full days work

 

these i havent seen

these i havent seen
ive never seen trees of green
that make me howl like the moons cratr
face ive found terrifying coffin lid
body i didnt want to kill fuck
never spent a second of my life not dreaming about suicide homicide
ive never tasted the days bounty on my nostrils and thought
what a beautiful day
ive never watched windblown trees flowing rivers
newborn babies churning oceans destroyed cities and felt
ive seen the presence of god
this is a poem written by the quintescent human
ive never seen a child i wanted to violate for hours
their death my death
doesnt scare or bother me
ive never seen a work of art ive thought adequatly or even inadequatly describes the suffering of human life
ive only seen man pleasing lies scribbled here there
ive never seen or experianced love just hate and lust
ive never experianced happiness or joy
just hollow void realizations
ive never believed a word anyone including myself has told me
there is nothing here other than suffering
ive never been interested shocked or felt the preseance of god truth beauty in anything ive seen on TV read or experianced
ive never wanted anything other than oblivion
death is oblivion isnt it?
so are drugs
ive never had any emotions other than hate lust doubt
ive never felt happy content or satisfied
but ive always felt hate want lust falsehood
these things will never dissipate
the blood will never dissipate from our veins
the blood will never dissipate from repulsive toilet earth
ive never seen a face
ive never seen a sky
ive never seen an earth
ive never seen a human
ive never seen a rock
ive never seen a tree
ive never seen
ive never
i, never

 

sardine tort

trash night
piles of garbage line devilstrips, the stench lingers in the summer air hovers like galloping butterflies and draws me into the plague of flies late night waltzing wrist hatchet for raccoons
worn shoes on the pavement tiptoeing under sworn streetlight epitaphs and crouch behind tin can house peering into window envisioning pale bloat loose hanging flesh drooling sweatstained chairs in television lamplight adverting gaze from walls
seeing a raccoon on a garbage pile brown curmudgeonly bags grey harp trashcan i tiptoe to the animal and whack it with the hatchet into the street where it writhes i lean over it and bludgeon its skull bubbling over onto the pavement boiling sour milk raccoon corned beefg hash brain ooze
writhes i smack its gut open reach inside pull out intestines organs wrap them around my head hack off tail shove it halfway up my ass with my pants at my ankles shuffle down the block with an erection
passing car denizen stops and gets out i rush at him chase him around the car he dives into a sewer i stand above it when he reaches out i smash his hand with the hammer pick his pinky up off the street and chew it like a chicken wing another raccoon devouring pizza box mold resin i crawl up to it surreptitious like and slap it in the ass with the hatchet it crawls up the block dragging its guts behind it i cave its skull in with hatchet and gnaw its leg off hacking belly open pulling the creature open leaving it like an ink blot twitching on the sidewalk tie it over my balls and cock with my belt feel its slowing tensing organs and muscles around my cock falling at my feet staining my boxers
my house
i live on a square of pavement that is uneven
i own a broken television on the abrasion in the stone
in a trajectory towards my rain wet easy chair under a few
torn umbrellas sewn together
painted on the television screen is a happy face and a penis
i have a medicine chest that hovers stonelike in mid air which contains
all my medications
vanishing cream
effexor
risperdal
aspirin
shoe polish
ether for the pustule on my neck
a chronic decay, either gangrene or black plague
awakening on my chair i take my medicines
the red babbling face hanging on the giant apple near my home disolves and is sucked into my ear
a strange pair of undulating transparent pants shapes with one leg longer than the other slowly disolves and is sucked into the drain on the palm of my hand the snake boat oar shaped slithers up my ass with some discomfort
and i shave the skin off my face and walk through vaseline smeared streets in cowboy boots banjo over my shoulder to work
men and women walk past me into the store slashing themselves open mumbling derisions to themselves and others licking their empty eyesockets with nine inch tongues crows heads growing out of their foreheads pecking them without repast skin slowly melting off them kept attatched with clothes pins and safety pins the walls ululate like a small dirty puddle and small gasping heads reach out to exhale rot breath into rubbing alcohal ear gourd nostrils
with a beer bottle vertically prying open his mouth skull the manager approaches me
i smash my banjo make a scene and clock in
cart boy
mincing my disorder with my job creates sweat pain and discomfort, having a cinderblock inexplicably stuck in my bowels
i rush madly to the carthouse taking five carts and pushing them through the parking lot dodging cars full of screaming drunks and furious yuppies going 60+mph squeeling to a halt and rushing into the store running out again leaving for carts
i take five more carts slam them into line
customers rush in taking carts
i rush out gathering five more carts
"DIE YUPPIE SCUM!" i shriek in falsetto and light a cigarette
my sweat stained armpit uniform and clown nose drip with salt and last nights booze
wild pigs sprint across the pavement battling with rancid bony crows for piles of suncooked raw discarded chicken stale cakes half eaten doughnuts and rotten steaks tossed around or in dumpsters and yanked out by raccoons i rush at a clump of five wild pigs whacking them wildly and screaming with a dustpan and brooms
"MOTHERFUCKERS!
i scream as they scatter
five more carts
five more minutes
carts pile up
five more carts
i want a drink
i light a cigarette
"are you on break?
"no, just smoking
five more carts
time drags slowly like a slug pulling a washing machine across a parking lot with a dental floss yolk
five more carts
sun beats down
grease
"your loosing your carts
"i know
i spit on the floor sickened by lifes banality rage false drama and why does a couple single boring phrases appear in my mind as a strange mosiac of colors and hallucinations
word hallucinations
they exist like the bonedust white moon
after what seems like a period of 300 years
my bones now made of tin cart poles i shuffle home puffing smoke and guzzle beer and yell at the smiley face at my television as the red babbling face sluices out of my ear and collects on the ground
"ldkf kkk zibbit hour tin hate kill kill kill
say it
the snake slithers out of my ass and curls up in the reeds
new creatures crawl out and hang from the tr ees like obscene christmas ornaments
i take my pills
a hand reaches out of my potbelly stove
there is a man in there
the chimney reaches crookedly for the clouds
his gutteral babbles elocute forth from infracted
i fall asleep and dream of charles manson dancing with adolf hitler and mickey
mouse upside down on the roof of my drunken grandfathers crotch around a
campfire of human bones
penis on the cob
mack the knife
while walking suicidally deep in the woods i stand a moment lost in though hipnotised by dancing shuddering trees
and old man dressed in golf clothes with eyes pinched shut centimeters apart
stabs me in the armpit from behind
i fall down and look around he pursues but i stand and limp away
he follows angrilly spitting golfballs and stabs me in the thigh
i continue walking
"go away
i dribble from my otiose lifeless self crouched on three legged chairs staring at the clock
he follows furiously bellowing nonsense and slashes up my spine
yellow paint and butterflies fly out and bounce about happily in the air
he grabs my arms and cuts off my thumbs
"cut it out man
i manage to say between annoyed tobacco coughs and stumble forth
he reaches around and slices off left nipple
i reach home and walk through the door i have nailed to a tree and sit in my
easy chair
he sits down next to me and i pat him on the head
"good boy
the sunrises happily
i see the scorching sun in the sky cooking the human race like a spilled bucket of undercooked fried chicken edging across a gravel driveway
an hour hand, a minute hand, and a second hand rotates slowly on the suns face
i take the assassins hand, he takes the hand of the man reaching out of the potbelly stove and we bellow a song
watch it dry up
we sing
watch it dry up like a greasy puddle
outside a heavy traffic fast food joint
watch it dry up
pools of oil on the sidewalk
watch it dry up
bloodspots on a wall
watch it dry up
spilled gasolene on the rooftop of a church
watch it dry up
shit smeared on your sleeping face
watch it dry up
your last pickle dropped into the litterbox before starvation
watch it dry up
dogshit on the bottom of your boot
watch it dry up
your kitten smeared on the highway
watch it dry up
your aborted condom sausage in a dumpster next to cologne boxes and used matchsticks
watch it dry up
your amazing shakespearian wit
watch it dry up
your amazing beauty
watch it dry up
humanity
sizzling fat spot hissing into a black stain on a log in a campfire

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